Recently I heard someone on TV asking people on the street how the economic downturn is affecting them. I've been thinking about that question a lot lately. The biggest way it has been getting to me is my current inability to even afford a 2009 fishing license. It's seriously depressing.
I'm a guy who uses fishing as a way to decompress and de-stress myself. Ironically now, during one of the most stressful periods I have ever endured, I am unable to access the therapeutic benefits of the Mad River, which I could walk to rather than burn any gas. However, there are far too many people and companies standing around with their hands out for me to even begin to think about spending $20 on something that most people see as pure recreation, i.e. dodging work.
I suppose I could try the ways other people decompress. Just how many times can one person count to ten in a given day without going absolutely balmy? I suppose if I get really good at it, I could put on a black cape and a monocle and try to get a job on a children's show. Oh, wait! They just laid off 70 people. Yoga is just not my cup of tea, and nobody wants to see a 51-year old fat white guy doing a downward facing dog anyway! Golf? Talk about expensive, and I thought the idea was to de-stress!
I think I know what I'll do. I'll talk my wife into having a bunch more children and then we can make a decent living going on all the talk shows and news shows that thrive on that sort of thing. But maybe not. I never did care for catching bottom feeders!
Monday, March 23, 2009
When life gives you invasive species, make lemonade
I have what I think is a great idea about what to do with the invasive species that are threatening various waterways in the continental USA. From Asian Silver Carp on the Mississippi and Illinois rivers to snakeheads in Chesapeake Bay and in Florida I have a great solution. Turn them all into cat food.
I mean it. Especially where the Silver Carp are concerned, this has become a serious safety hazard that is impeding the ability of American citizens to use our waterways. Why are we standing for it? Put together a boat reminiscent of Patrick F. McManus' grasshopper trap and take it for a spin in any of the most highly infested areas. Those silver missiles will soon be filling up the nets on the front of the boat. They'll be volunteering for the Friskies plant!
Furthermore, this will generate jobs during this period when they are greatly needed. People will be needed to crew the boats and process the fish so that Fluffy and Furball can get their daily morsels. When 700 people are showing up to apply for a janitor position at a school in Cleveland, I doubt you'll have trouble finding enough hands.
Of course the snakeheads will be a little more difficult, but the Florida DNR says they are somewhat being held in check by competition from the local bass, tarpon and snook anyway! They shouldn't be that hard to eradicate with an occasional snakehead tourney where none of the fish are returned to the water. They could be sent instead to the cat food factory or, in view of the fact that they are said to be pretty fair food for humans, they could be cleaned and sent to local homeless shelters. For that matter, have homeless person free fishing days where the only fish kept are snakeheads! We'll show those fish who the fittest ones are! Snakehead fillets, anyone?
I mean it. Especially where the Silver Carp are concerned, this has become a serious safety hazard that is impeding the ability of American citizens to use our waterways. Why are we standing for it? Put together a boat reminiscent of Patrick F. McManus' grasshopper trap and take it for a spin in any of the most highly infested areas. Those silver missiles will soon be filling up the nets on the front of the boat. They'll be volunteering for the Friskies plant!
Furthermore, this will generate jobs during this period when they are greatly needed. People will be needed to crew the boats and process the fish so that Fluffy and Furball can get their daily morsels. When 700 people are showing up to apply for a janitor position at a school in Cleveland, I doubt you'll have trouble finding enough hands.
Of course the snakeheads will be a little more difficult, but the Florida DNR says they are somewhat being held in check by competition from the local bass, tarpon and snook anyway! They shouldn't be that hard to eradicate with an occasional snakehead tourney where none of the fish are returned to the water. They could be sent instead to the cat food factory or, in view of the fact that they are said to be pretty fair food for humans, they could be cleaned and sent to local homeless shelters. For that matter, have homeless person free fishing days where the only fish kept are snakeheads! We'll show those fish who the fittest ones are! Snakehead fillets, anyone?
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